Monday, August 17, 2009

Ethan, road trips, and more....

Ethan and I had a great time visiting my parents last week in Blue Ridge, Georgia. We took Ethan on his very first train ride and he was so thrilled! Thomas the Train is his favorite show, so he called this train "Thomas" the whole time. I had a difficult time leaving our house to go to Blue Ridge. It sounds ridiculous, but I felt panicked, like I was leaving Noah behind. It took me a while to actually walk out the door. Once we got to my parent's house though, I was fine. We really had a great visit and I enjoyed spending a whole week with my son. Just another reason that I am NOT looking forward to going back to work in 2 weeks.

We had a great weekend. We went to Macon to spend some time with David's family. It was good to be able to talk about Noah without bursting into tears (well...all but 2 times). David's dad and stepmom gave us a Bible that they had bought for Noah. It meant so much to both of us. There are days when it feels like it's getting easier, but then suddenly it will feel unbearable again. Yesterday we had a GREAT day at church. I was fine all day. No break downs. Really, I felt happy. I felt normal again. I felt like I could talk to people and I had some really great conversations. But then last night after we got home, I just felt awful again. It's in the quiet moments that I start thinking about Noah and thinking about how I don't have him in me anymore and I don't have him in my arms either. There are still moments that I think, "Is this real?.....did this REALLY happen? Am I REALLY not pregnant anymore? Is he REALLY gone?" David just held me last night and let me sob in his arms.....with my whole body shaking and everything. David said he had times like that while Ethan and I were in Blue Ridge. He understands. He hurts too. And I'm SO thankful that this has brought David and I closer rather than ripping us apart.

I'm going to try to do some cleaning around the house today and hopefully keep myself distracted. I will leave you with pictures from our trip to Blue Ridge......

And I took these when we got home...he actually sat still, smiled, and let me take his picture!

1 comment:

  1. I just love the picture of Ethan and your dad walking between the train cars! We are still thinking about you and praying for you.