Thursday, September 3, 2009

There's No Guarantee

I had a good day at work, but I had one really tough moment. A couple walked through the doors of the bank today (that I had never seen before) and the woman was obviously VERY pregnant. This doesn't usually bother me, but since I've had in my mind all week that I would be 39 weeks right now, it really did bother me. They sat down with customer service and I could hear them talking. This was their first baby and she was 39 weeks pregnant....due this Sunday. Fear overcame me. Fear that this woman may never see her child breathe, never hear her child cry. Fear that she was letting herself be too excited over something that could end tragically. She looked so happy and content, and she talked about the baby on it's way, but all I could think was, "There's no guarantee!!!" I hate hate hate that I felt this way! Pregnancy is supposed to be joyful. Now I fear it. I fear it for me, I fear it for other women. It equals waiting with worry.

I just don't know how we will ever be ready to take this risk again. The risk of loving. Loving a child that we may not get to keep. But then I fear the void we will feel if we never take that risk. We definitely have a long way to go before we will be ready....if ever. If only we could stamp pregnancy with....

1 comment:

  1. I can't fathom your pain and fear, I am praying for you and so sorry for the loss of your sweet Noah.