Wednesday, September 9, 2009

9-9-09

EDIT: We would like to invite family and friends to leave a "story" for Noah at http://www.sympathytree.com/babynoah/. Click on "Stories" on the left side of the page and it will ask you to create an account. Once you've done that, you can add a story. It can be anything...a song, a poem, maybe something you have learned through the life and death of our sweet boy.

Also, please consider donating $9 to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. You can do this in honor of baby Noah! Noah did not have Cystic Fibrosis, but I thought it would be neat to help out a friend today. This is a friend I have prayed over for a few years now. Her name is Tricia Lawrenson and she has Cystic Fibrosis. Her husband, Nate is a blog friend of mine (http://www.cfhusband.blogspot.com/) and he is celebrating 9-9-09 by looking for 99 people to donate $9 each by 9pm tonight (EST) to his Personal Great Strides Account. His wife has Cystic Fibrosis and they have a little miracle baby named Gwyneth Rose. Every penny goes directly to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation and their search for a cure for CF. Please, if you haven't yet, consider Clicking Here and investing in those who are living for that hope.




My Sweet Noah,

Today was your expected date of arrival. I can't help but wonder if you would have been right on time like your big brother. He came right on his due date. Maybe you would have been early and born on Mommy's birthday. Maybe you would have been so cozy in my belly, you would have stuck around a while and would have arrived later. Everyone thought it was so neat that your due date was 9-9-09. We knew you were special right from the beginning. But the fact is, there really are no "would have been's". God knew the exact number of days you would live on this earth, tucked away in my womb...even if we didn't.

Mommy and Daddy feel so honored that we were chosen by God to be your parents. Many people have asked us, "Are you mad at God for taking Noah?" While we don't understand God's ways...after all, they are higher than ours...we aren't mad at God. He gave us the gift of you. We will carry that for the rest of our lives. We will talk about you and we will allow God to receive the glory for the impact that you have had and will continue to have on so many lives.....we take this responsibility very seriously.

We are only human. We grieve the loss of you. We grieve for all the things we had dreamed for you. Your Daddy couldn't wait to teach you how to sing and play the guitar. He wanted to play ball with you in the front yard and teach you how to ride a bike. And I wanted to cuddle with you and kiss all your boo-boos. I wanted to read you stories (like your brother's favorite..."But Not the Hippopotamus") and say prayers with you at night. Your Papaw wanted to teach you how to play golf and all about Alabama football. Mamaw would have spoiled you rotten! Uncle Jason and Aunt Es would have bought you any toy you wanted! They would have given you a great nickname, no doubt. Grandaddy and Tar-tar would have given you a whole bag of toys at Christmas that they picked out just for you! They would have made you smile...that's just what they do. Aunt Erica and Uncle Grant would have loved to see you playing with your cousins, Natalie and Julianna. And I'm sure Uncle Grant would have taken you fishing or maybe on a bike ride. Aunt "Fiss" would have painted a portrait of you. She would have carried you around on her shoulders and played hide and seek with you. Nana and Papa Ken would have taken you to the beach. They would have bought you a shovel and pail and spent hours hunting for seashells with you. Your Great Papaw McInnis would have told you all about your Great Mamaw. He would have made up a silly song about you to sing to you every time he saw you. And he would always be waiting for you just "around the corner". Great Mamaw and Papaw Tindle would have taken special trips all the way from Texas just to see you! And your big brother Ethan...he would have taught you everything he knows. He would have wrestled with you, played ball with you, tattled on you (no doubt), and gotten into mischief with you....but no matter what, he sure would have protected you! But more than any of these things that we each wanted to do, we wanted to teach you about Jesus and His sacrifice. We wanted to tell you about a Creator God who loved you unconditionally. We are thankful that God has saved you. We never have to worry about where you will spend eternity. You are with your Heavenly Father and that brings us greater comfort than anyone else could ever offer us. We will see you again!!!

I miss your kicks, your hiccups, your movements. I miss your sweet face, your tiny hands, your kissable feet. I ache as I stare at your crib, longing for you to be sleeping soundly in it. I miss your heartbeat. Baby boy, I miss that beautiful sound so much my heart just breaks again and again. I sleep with your blanket every night. The blanket I wrapped you up in at the hospital and had hoped to snuggle you in when I rocked you to sleep. And if I could have only heard you cry...just once....just to comfort you and tell you that Mommy was here.

I will forever cherish every single moment we had together. We found out about you two days after Christmas and shared the news with family on New Year's Day. In January we helped Angela set up Baby Sarah's room and we were so excited about renovating the new home of Discover Point Church. In February I took you with me to my photography classes. We had our first ultrasound and got our first look at you. The sound of your heartbeat made Mommy cry. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. 164 bpm. Beautiful....

video

You were there for Daddy's 30th birthday when we suprised him with a new guitar that all of his friends and family had helped to purchase for him. He was so excited!




In March we saw the first (and only) snow of the year together. Maybe you got to taste a snowflake since Mommy did!

March continued to be a busy month. I felt your first movements, you came with me to Augusta to take maternity photos of Brandi while she was pregnant with Oliver, you came with me to Brien and Hannah's wedding, and You kicked even earlier than your brother did. And on March 25th, we found out you were a boy! Ok, ok...so I cried. I wanted you to be a girl. I feel so so guilty for that now. I got over it quickly. Oh how I long to have my sweet BOY in my arms now!!! In April, you came with me to your Uncle Jason's wedding. He married Esther, who then became your Aunt Es.

Discover Point Church moved into a new building and we had our first service there...you could probably hear how loud the music was! Baby Oliver was born to Dewayne and Brandi. We had another ultrasound of you that month and got a better look at your profile....

In May you came to the Georgia Aquarium with us to celebrate your big brother's 3rd birthday! He was so excited to see new things and he couldn't wait to show you all of those fish some day!

You were in the hospital room with me, kicking away when Baby Sarah was born to proud parents, Philip and Angela. She was so beautiful! In June we had an appointment with the doctor and my blood pressure was high. I had never had high blood pressure before and I started to worry about you.


video

We celebrated your cousin Natalie's birthday and your Aunt Erica's birthday. My blood pressure continued to rise. On July 2nd I took the last photos I would ever take of being pregnant with you.


On July 6th, you weren't moving. I re-live that day over and over and over again and I wish so badly that things had been different. You were already gone. You were already in Heaven with your Savior. But Mommy and Daddy were so sad. We wanted to keep you for a while longer. We felt like we had not protected you enough. We know the truth is that you are safer where you are than anywhere else you could be. But we miss you. On July 7th you were born. You didn't cry. You didn't move. You were still. But you were so beautiful. We held you, we kissed you, we loved you. You were a precious gift from the Lord.

Today was the day we expected you to arrive. But Heaven expected your arrival sooner. No doubt there was a huge celebration when you walked through the pearly gates! I hope you know how much you are loved. We can't wait to see you again....never to be separated. We know you are praising the Lord and maybe playing with your 4 brothers and sisters up there. And maybe you've even met your Great Mamaw and Great Grandma.

We remember you today, sweet Noah.

Love,

Your Mommy

6 comments:

  1. thank you for your kindness today, Lisa. I pray God returns the blessing tenfold to you and your family as you grieve and remember Noah.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am over from CFHusbad. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for healing for your family. Your video is beautiful and that song was amazing.

    I am a believer that God has a special job for each of us in Heaven. My granny passed away this past May and her job is a baby rocker. I pray that your baby Noah made it into her arms.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My love and prayers are with you on this day. I know we do not know each other in person but we have one thing in common and that is our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. May he continue to hold you tight through this difficult journey.

    Karen (crashhelmetkaren on xanga)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Just come over from Nate's blog...

    You are in my thought and prayers, I so feel your pain - but am encouraged by your strength.

    I have just read through your blog and found in an entry on August 10th you posted the following:

    "I need you to know that it's not the presence of your tiny newborn baby or your pregnant belly that makes me sad....it's the absence of my own."

    I cannot put into words how much these words have helped me and I would like to thank you so much.

    Love and best wishes to you
    Rachaelxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am sitting here crying as I read this. This was absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing from your heart on a day that had to be so difficult. My prayers are still with you.

    Leanne

    ReplyDelete