Diagnosis

I don't really even know how to put this into words. I still have a lot of questions and trying to research things on the internet will just make you crazy. As most of you know I had some blood work done recently to check for clotting in my blood. My doctor called my cell phone today while I was at work, but I didn't answer. She then called me at work and I spoke with her. She really wanted to talk to me before she left for the weekend. It was just a really bad time. I had several customers and my co-worker had just left for lunch. The doctor told me that I have a blood disorder called Factor V (that's "V" as in "5") Leiden (Thrombophilia). Here is the nicest thing I found online about it...I say "nicest" because everything else I read about it is totally depressing so I like this one the best....

What is Factor V Leiden Thrombophilia?

Factor V Leiden thrombophilia is an inherited disorder of blood clotting. Factor V Leiden is the name of a specific mutation that results in thrombophilia, or an increased tendency to form abnormal blood clots in blood vessels. People who have the factor V Leiden mutation are at somewhat higher than average risk for a type of clot that forms in veins, such as the deep veins of the legs (deep venous thrombosis), or a clot that travels through the bloodstream and lodges in the lungs (pulmonary embolism). Most people with the factor V Leiden mutation never develop abnormal blood clots, however.

The factor V Leiden mutation is associated with a somewhat increased risk of pregnancy loss (miscarriage), and some research suggests that it may also increase the risk of other complications during pregnancy. These complications may include pregnancy-induced high blood pressure (preeclampsia), slow fetal growth, and early separation of the placenta from the uterine wall (placental abruption). It is important to note, however, that most women with the factor V Leiden mutation have normal pregnancies. If you are still curious, there is more about it here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/bookshelf/br.fcgi?book=gene&part=factor-v-leiden

I was able to keep it together after I talked to my doctor until a customer said, "So you finally had that baby, huh?" I barely got out the words, "Our son passed away" before I had to call for another co-worker to help. I burst into tears and ran to the bathroom as quickly as I could. I left for lunch and went to talk to David about it. We are both still pretty confused about a lot of things. I don't understand why I was never tested for this before. I've had 3 miscarriages and now a stillbirth. And how is it that I didn't have any complications with Ethan (other than the delivery)?

I've read a lot of different things online, but it's inconsistent. Some doctors say that with this disorder, you shouldn't try to have children at all. Others say that with daily injections in the stomach during pregnancy, the chances of having a healthy child are high. Most women don't find out they have this (even though it's something you are born with) until after they have had multiple miscarriages and/or stillbirths.

So why am I so upset? I know that if I'm thinking logically, there was nothing I could have done to save Noah. It just absolutely devastates me to think that my body failed him. My body couldn't protect him. And it seems that all I would have had to do was take some injections and my son would still be here!!!!!! He would still be alive! That breaks my heart so much I can't stand it. And to think that there is a risk (greater than what I even thought before) that this could happen again. I could have another stillborn baby. I could have more miscarriages. I guess I just thought that losing Noah was just "one of those things" and that it wasn't something specific that was wrong with me that caused it. My head hurts and I'm really done trying to sort this out in my head tonight. I'm sure I'll be more positive about all of this tomorrow...