I know that some of you may be wondering why we have decided to celebrate Noah's 1st Birthday with a party/balloon release and I just wanted to hopefully give some insight into why we are doing this. First of all, we can't just let his birthday slip by without doing ANYTHING. We feel like it's a great day to remember Noah and all that he meant to us and all that he meant to so many others. Last year we held a private burial for Noah. We had a memorial service that many people came to, but we kept the burial private and only invited a few close friends and family. By having this balloon release for his first birthday, it will give the rest of our friends an opportunity to see Noah's grave. I know that for me I want so much for people to understand that he was real...he was here. I'm sure that only makes sense to some of you and that's ok.
There were also many friends who were unable to be at his memorial service that have made comments over this last year how much they hated that they missed it. I feel like this gives them another opportunity to remember Noah with us. Ethan is also very excited that we are having a party for Noah and he says he can't wait to send his little brother balloons. We know that Noah will not literally get the balloons up in Heaven, but we do believe it gives us a chance to pour our hearts out to the Lord and to say how much Noah means to us.
Noah's celebration is on Saturday. I have no idea how the day will go. This is not something we have ever done before...having a (remembrance) party for a deceased child, but we are excited to see friends and family and we are excited to "show off" our son and how beautiful he was. We also hope to "show off" our Savior and how He has carried us through. We have not lost faith because we lost Noah....I believe it has only increased our trust and faith in God. He gives and takes away. He is in control. He holds our son in His hands and we long for Heaven all the more.
Today our hearts are heavy. There's no denying that we hurt. On this day one year ago I was desperately trying to get Noah to move in my belly. We went to the hospital around 6:30 that night and saw what no parents want to see....a heart that is no longer beating. But we knew that the moment his heart stopped beating here, he was with the Lord. No pain, no suffering, no tears...only love.
Tomorrow is Noah's 1st Birthday. I will ask the same of you as I've asked of my friends and family today...say a prayer for the mothers and fathers who will find out today that their child is no longer here. It happens every day, but there are so many who don't know the hope that we have in Christ. I don't know how I would have ever made it through this year without that hope.
We will see Noah again.
I can't wait for that day!