She's still here

I woke up this morning to Ella kicking away and I thought, "she's still here". Noah lived just 30 weeks and 5 days. Today Ella is 30 weeks, 6 days. Yesterday was a good day. I thought it would be difficult, but I was in good spirits.

On Tuesday I wasn't feeling Ella move. At 1:00 I felt a few kicks, but then nothing. At my doctor's appointment at 3:45 I told the nurse I was a bit nervous that something could be wrong because she usually is so active throughout the day. I told her that she may have just changed positions. They decided to do an ultrasound and sure enough, Ella had turned completely around and was breech again. Ethan had to come with me to my appointment and he was very excited to see Ella up on the screen. She was perfectly fine and started kicking and moving all around during the ultrasound. I'm sure I'm just a bit paranoid because of it being week 30.

On Wednesday some of our very best friends (Dewayne & Brandi) welcomed their 2nd child (a son) into the world. David and I drove straight to Augusta after work to meet Christopher Finn. He weighed just 5lbs, 14oz and when Dewayne placed him in my arms, I kind of lost it. I'm so thankful for a friend like Brandi who really gets it. I felt like a blubbering idiot as my tears dripped all over her beautiful newborn baby. But I just couldn't fight it. I haven't held a newborn so tiny since Noah (who was just 3lbs, 6oz.). A flood of memories came back. Brandi told me she thought of Noah during labor and throughout the day. Even though I missed Noah so much in that moment, I thanked God that sweet Finn had made it safely into this world (he was growth restricted and came a little early, so he gave everyone a bit of a scare).

I cried the whole way home. It was good for me I think. I had bottled up a lot of feelings the last few weeks and just really needed to let it all out. I miss Noah. I'm excited and hopeful about Ella. But I want them both.

Today we went to eat at Panera Bread and after I placed my order the cashier asked me a few questions about my pregnancy. I told her I was having a girl. She looked over at Ethan and then she looked at me and said, "Great! A boy and a girl! Now you are complete!" If she only knew how incomplete I feel. Having Ella will in no way make me feel complete. That will only happen when we get to Heaven. But I know I will feel so much joy when they place her in my arms. After meeting little Finn, I am so much more anxious for Ella's arrival.

Thank you all so much for the kind words, prayers, and encouragement this week. Tomorrow we reach a new milestone that we never reached with Noah....

Week 31.

30 Weeks and daring to hope

It was just days after I posted my 30 week pregnancy pic in 2009 that Noah passed away. (You can view that post HERE). It's a very strange thing to now be at this point again. I feel peace. I really do. But I won't lie...I'm also scared to death. I know...it makes no sense. Every morning that I feel Ella move I think, "ok...she's alive today". This Friday I will be 30 weeks and 5 days....that's how far along I was when our world changed forever. We are daring to hope. We trust God no matter what. We thank Him for Noah, we know that he is in the presence of the Lord...and we thank Him for the life of Ella.




Please remember us in prayer this week as I'm sure you can imagine (especially those who have gone through this before) the emotions this week will bring.

We serve a BIG God!

So a few weeks ago I posted on facebook that God was blowing our socks off! My hubby shared about this on his blog, so I thought I would share with all of you as well....sometimes it's best to just trust and not freak out!

Written by my hubby...

Blown away by God

Posted: January 8, 2011 by collinsworth in Uncategorized

This week has been a completely crazy one….

Monday- I took my floating Holiday off….great to have a day off because I work so many hours at the Hotel and with the church…let’s just say a day off of both is very refreshing… although i did have a meeting that night getting ready for Fx our new family worship experience, but that was alot of fun.

Tuesday- I made it to work around normal and that’s when my week changed….I walked in and Susan (a dear friend of mine) the general manager called me into the office. Now usually when this happens it’s because something crazy happened over the weekend and we are going to have to fix it, fire it, or handle it. This was different though, she looked at me almost burst into tears…she told me that she was sorry…Okay me too…what? Then she shared that the owner needed to let me go due to lack of work. I immediately told her that “God’s got me taken care of…” I had been praying for something to change in my job situation since I was very unhappy working there…for many reasons that I won’t go into. Although that’s not the way I would have had God answer the prayer. I would have had Him have a record company find some of my music, instantly offer crazy amount of money to share God’s love and offer a signing bonus that would pay off my house….but this was close…haha.

I went out to lunch with some awesome friends, then went to the people zoo that is the Department of labor. Unemployment filing is confusing to say the least. I waited to tell Lisa because I honestly wanted her to not worry all day. She came home and took the news very well. She had been praying the same thing for me which is a beautiful thing…she knew 50 to 60 hours there a week was sucking the life from me. We made the decision to Trust God and Wait on Him. Scared yes, trusting a big God yes. We called people and emailed and got people praying for us.

Wednesday- Now this is where it gets a little crazy. No applications, No resumes given out, no phone calls, or emails sent….I got 5 job offers. Now I was so thankful for each call of care for our family and friends… Some job offers were good, some were great and some were “it’s the thought that counts” kind of offers. God was increasing my faith…blowing our socks off…showing us so much Love and favor….craziness.

Thursday - Still praying about what God would want me to do….realizing that I will have alot more time to focus on Discover Point’s mission, more time to write music, to cultivate relationships, to achieve personal goals, to love on my family….blown away.

Friday - Spent some time really focusing in the Word…no rush out…What does God have in store?! Praying for the church, our family and decisions….Also loving the vision of our church. It’s God-sized…i have no idea how to do it….and that is exciting to me!

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So we are so excited! A layoff (with no severance...and with a baby on the way) can be a very scary thing, but we felt such peace and chose to trust God. David has accepted 2 job offers to work part-time from home!!! This means he will be able to keep Ella once she is born (after my 12 week maternity leave) so we won't have to put her in daycare. He will be getting paid a little bit more and he will have a LOT more free time to focus on his ministry at our church. We serve a BIG God and I'm so thankful for this huge answer to my prayers!!!

Future Pilates Instructor?

29 Weeks and more of Ella's Room

Things are still going beautifully. I am now 29 weeks and Ella is as healthy as ever. I feel pretty good during the day, but I am not sleeping well at all at night. MAJOR INSOMNIA! Please be praying for me about this!!!

I worked on Ella's room some more tonight. David and I found a small pink dresser for her room for a very reasonable price at an antique store. We actually saw it several months ago but wanted to be sure it was the best deal we could find. It was $75...I offered the lady $50...she accepted $59. I think it was a great deal! So here is Ella's room (almost complete!...just a few more things to hang up on the walls).



I found these little birdhouses at Hobby Lobby and decided to spice them up using the same idea as the blocks that Marisa showed us how to make HERE.

Ella's Room and Snow Day

It took a while because I had to take a lot of breaks, but I finished painting Ella's room! Yes....I did the painting. I was VERY careful. David just didn't have time to really help me and honestly, when I get something in my head that I want done...I just do it.

I'm not done putting up her things on the walls, but here is what it looks like so far.


I'll post more pics as it gets closer to completion.

Last night it started snowing and it snowed all night long. Some of you northerners may laugh at us, but when it snows here, everything shuts down. We don't get snow very often in Georgia, so when we do, the roads are very dangerous (no salt trucks around here). So it's great to work for the school system!!! I had today off and we are off again tomorrow because the roads are covered in ice. We live on a huge hill so everyone likes to come to our house for sledding/tubing.
Our friends Dewayne and Brandi were at our house for the weekend and got snowed in with us. We had a great time!

















We had a great time together as a family today and I can't wait for another great day together tomorrow!