Noah's 3rd Birthday & Visiting the hospital

This post is a little overdue, but I just haven't had the time to sit down and write.  Every year, Noah's birthday is difficult, but it gets a little less painful.  I hate to admit it, but on July 6th this year (which is the day we actually found out Noah was gone), I spent the day very angry.  I was kind of pouting I guess you could say.  David and I have struggled a lot with the whole idea of whether or not God really always has OUR best interest in mind or if it is really ultimately all for His kingdom.  Selfish thoughts, I know.  In my earthly mind, I think my best interest would be to have my son here...for Ethan to have a brother...for Ella to have 2 big brothers to watch out for her.  But who do I think I am that I have any right to be mad at the creator of the universe for not doing things MY way??? Still though...I was...and it was July 7th before I spoke up and told God I was mad (like he didn't already know), but I was trying my hardest to give it over to Him (again).



For the last month I have been putting together 3 baskets to take to the hospital where all of my children were born.  These baskets would be given to families who lost a baby (one that would actually be born and they would hold in their arms).  So many family members and friends offered to help with this and items started arriving at my house.  My mother made a baby blanket, booties, and a hat for each basket.  Then Kelly Gerken with Sufficient Grace Ministries very graciously donated 3 of her beautiful "Dreams of You" memory books and some pamphlets to put in the baskets.  These books are so amazing and so perfect for these kind of situations (as it is pretty much impossible to find an appropriate memory book for infant loss at a store). Another dear lady (Miranda) sent me several crocheted baby hats of all different sizes and colors.  I made a separate basket for these so that the nurses could give one to each mother who lost a baby and they could choose them depending on the size and gender of the baby.  My friend Katie made a donation to help with the baskets, my sister-in-law sent me 3 copies of Angie Smith's book, "I Will Carry You", another friend (Robin) donated Bibles, and I included some bookmarks with a verse on them and a journal. I wrote and printed out several letters for these mothers which included information about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (photography) and also printed several copies of Noah's story.  I found some beautiful baskets at Hobby Lobby that would hold everything.

On July 7th, Noah's birthday, we drove to the hospital where we met my nurse friend Amy and a few other nurses and gave them the baskets.  It really did my heart a lot of good to give back and hopefully encourage other families who suffer this type of tragedy.

And isn't it just like God to make things happen in His perfect timing? Little did I know that just 5 days later I would be at the hospital visiting our friends as they welcomed their baby into the world...and just around the corner was a family who had just found out that their little girl no longer had a heartbeat at 28 weeks gestation. My nurse friend let me know they were about to give this family one of the baskets and later she said she would like me to visit her.  On Friday I went back to the hospital and sat down with this mother and father and heard about their beautiful baby girl, Riley Beth.  This family has another daughter who is close to the same age Ethan was when we lost Noah.  The mother was excited about her daughter having a sister....I understood that feeling so well.  Ethan lost his brother.  We were both thankful that her daughter was young enough to not understand as you never want to see your child be truly devastated over something like this.  I am thankful she has a child to mother though.  When you go home empty-handed, it is slightly easier to deal with it when you at least have a child at home to hug just a bit tighter.  As I walked out of her room, I heard screams from the mother next door who was in labor at 35 weeks and had also found out her baby was gone.  Then next door to her, another one who had slipped away at 19 weeks.  Looks like we may need to put some more baskets together soon.  Thanks so much to all of you who helped with this project!

I made a few trips to Noah's grave on his birthday and on our last visit for the day, my brother and sister-in-law brought my nephew Ian out to visit for the first time.  Jason and Esther love Noah so much. I am very thankful for their understanding of our grief...and they have grieved with us...all the more since they've had Ian and really understand the weight of it all.

If you've never read Noah's story, you can read it HERE