And since I have all this extra time on my hands, it's time to get serious about losing weight and getting healthy. I really do hope to have another baby some day (if God chooses to bless us again), but I know I don't want to get pregnant until my body is good and ready...and of course not until my heart is good and ready (when will that ever happen???). I really have to be prepared because I know there will be even more worry that comes along with it next time. Please pray that I will be disciplined in my food choices and in my daily exercise.
(Will you allow me to indulge in a "Noah moment"???......I know it seems I can't get through a post without talking about him....but what can I say? I miss him.)
So how are we doing? Pretty good. David has been busy. I think sometimes it's hard for him because he's so busy. Sometimes he wants a break so he can just take the time to just feel...if that makes sense. Time to deal with the loss. I have had a few difficult moments, but honestly, I haven't let myself cry in over a week. That may not sound like a big deal to some of you...but believe me, it's a big deal. There is a time to cry, but lately I've just needed to give myself a break from it. Because when I start, it's difficult to stop and the grief becomes overwhelming at times.
This weekend we (my brother, sister-in-law, dad, Ethan, and I) went to Alabama to visit my grandfather. My grandmother passed away in 2004 and I still miss her so badly...especially when we go to her house. I'm so sad that she never got to meet Ethan and that Ethan didn't get to know her. On Saturday night as I was going to sleep, the strangest thing happened. I suddenly had a spasm in my stomach. I was laying on my side and the spasm lasted for about 5 minutes. It took everything I had to keep from crying. It felt so much like Noah's kicks and movements and it was an incredible feeling of loss in that moment. I miss him so badly.
My dad and I spent some time going through photos on my computer and I showed him some of the last photos of me pregnant. Here are 2 that I have never posted before...
And here is one from when I was 23 weeks pregnant....Ethan loved taking pictures with his baby brother.
Sometimes I just go back and look at all the photos and it's just unreal that 4 months have passed since I was pregnant...since he was here.
Thank you for all of your continued prayers. God is bringing us peace each day. I think this new job is going to help in the healing process.