***Because of the title of this blog post, let me just start out by saying Ella is just fine!
Ella decided to scare her mommy and daddy this morning. Every single morning for the last 6 weeks I have felt Ella moving and kicking. She is usually very active in the mornings. But not this morning. I got up at 7:00 and started getting ready for work...no movement. I got Ethan ready and I took him to school at 8:15...still no movement. I stopped by a McDonald's and got a Dr. Pepper hoping to get some movement out of her. By 10:00 I had tears in my eyes. The nightmare of the day we lost Noah was flashing through my mind. I called David and he was ready to go to the house and get the doppler...then she started kicking....and kicking...and kicking. Yep, this girl is gonna be trouble! At least that will teach me to keep the doppler with me at all times. Anyway, Ella is just fine and has been moving a LOT since about 10:30. My heart still hasn't slowed down though! She had me terrified!
Other than this morning's incident, everything has been great. I'm feeling great (other than a sinus infection that lasted for a while). I'm definitely more anxious as the weeks go by. I know I need to enjoy every moment of the pregnancy, but I will feel so much better once she is in my arms, alive and well. I'm just still so terrified something will happen to her in my womb. I just try to remember that the Lovenox is doing what it's supposed to and Ella is safe.
I'm struggling right now with the fact that I will only have 12 weeks with her before I have to return to work. I stayed home with Ethan until he was a year old, but that is just not possible for us (financially) right now. If only David had benefits with his job....(sigh). I've been very stressed out about the thought of handing my 3 month old over to a daycare worker. I keep thinking about all the things I will miss out on...all the things I got to share with Ethan that I won't be able to share with Ella. It's hard. It's very hard. I'm praying for a miracle (maybe a great new job to land in David's lap???). I know God can make it happen if that's His will for us.
Will you pray for a miracle with me?