Wednesday, September 15, 2010
For Those Who Now Walk This Road of Grief
I receive emails sometimes on a weekly basis from one friend or another telling me about how they have a friend or family member who has just lost their baby or just found out that they will most likely lose their baby. Just this week I've been told of 2 who lost their babies at full term and one couple who after trying for years to become pregnant now has a surrogate who is 36 weeks pregnant with their child and they found out today the baby has Trisomy 18 and most likely will not survive. The father of this child is at sea and will find out tomorrow about this devastating news. Friends ask if they can point these ladies to my blog or give them my email address to which of course I always say, "yes! absolutely!" I feel like that is a responsibility I carry since losing Noah...to help other women climb through this grief and up toward a Savior who is waiting to carry them in His arms. Finding so many of you bloggers who have lost children on here is one of the things that helped me through some of my darkest days. To know that others have actually been there and really understand...I hate it that you do, but I'm glad you have shared with me. I hope to be that same source of encouragement to women (and men) who walk this road behind me.
When you've been where we've been it suddenly opens your eyes to the grief all around you. I never understood the fragility of life the way I do now. It seems every day I am hearing about someone losing a child - through facebook, through friends, or on the news. And I've learned that just because you've been through one tragedy, it doesn't make you immune to another. That's a terrifying thought for me, but the good news is that I survived it once through God's grace and while I pray I never have to face tragedy again, I know I could survive it with Him (God, I'm not asking you to test this!!!).
If you have recently been directed here to my blog, I always encourage those going through loss to go back to last July when my loss was still new. I hope you will find an honest expression of my hurt, but also a true faith and hope in Jesus Christ...there is no greater healer.
It's been 1 year, 2 months, 1 week and 1 day since Noah left us. Last Thursday was the 1 year anniversary of his expected due date. Not a day goes by without my thoughts turning to Noah. Every song, every pregnant woman, every tiny baby boy, every family of 4 with 2 young boys reminds me of him. I still wear the necklace I had made with Noah's name, birthday, weight and length on it every single day. When you get to where I am, it does get easier. There are still difficult days, difficult moments....but I am reminded more and more that this life is but a breath and eternity is forever. It's temporarily painful, but in the end I get to be with Noah and with my Savior FOREVER. How crazy is that?!? FOREVER!!!!! :o) That knowledge brings me so much joy! I cannot imagine living without that hope!
If you are new in this journey and just need to pour your heart out to someone who may understand a little something about grief, please don't hesitate to email me at Lisacollinsworth@hotmail.com. It's a lot easier to get through the dark days along with others instead of trying to do it alone. You can be sure that my husband and I will pray for you!