Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Better Days

I've been feeling so much better lately. I feel like I'm finally starting to crawl out of this pit of grief. I'm not going to get ahead of myself....I know how this works....tomorrow it could change like the flip of a switch, but today...today I feel good. This new focus on getting myself healthy has really helped. Doing something that challenges me and having a goal to look forward to has helped me focus on other things besides losing Noah. Do I still think about Noah? Of course...every single day. Am I still heartbroken? Yes. But I have learned so much about trusting God over these past 6 months than I have in my entire life. I don't cry as much and the ache seems to have lessened a bit. I seem to be able to talk to my pregnant friends with a lot more enthusiasm and any feelings of envy that I had before seem to be gone. But it's a daily struggle...something I have to hand over to God daily...hourly.

I have some things coming up soon that I'm really looking forward to! At the end of this month my friends (my pastor, his wife, and 2 of their kids) are going on a cruise for a week. They are leaving their 8 month old, Sarah, with me while they are gone. Can I just tell you....I LOVE SARAH!!!

And Sarah LOVES David too....

She's probably one of the happiest babies I've ever known. And though her mommy told me she's been waking up a lot in the middle of the night, I am SO excited to keep her for a while! After all, I was supposed to be having sleepless nights over these last 6 months anyway!!! My mom is going to watch her while I'm at work from 8-2. We are both very excited about it!

David, Ethan and I have big plans for a road trip in March!!! I'm SO excited! First we are going to spend a few days in Nags Head, North Carolina. We hope to visit Nags Head Church the Sunday we are there and to meet Nate, Tricia, & Gwyneth...and I can't wait to meet Tricia's sweet mother, Agnes who has been such a great encouragement to me since we lost Noah. Then we are headed to Washington D.C. and if we are feeling up to it...we may go on up to New York! With David's great discounts on hotels since he works at the Hampton Inn, it makes it a lot easier for us to afford to travel. We haven't been on a family vacation in a long time (other than traveling to see family), so I am very excited about this!

The days are definitely getting easier. I'm still loving my new job (I've been there 2 months now) and I'm loving getting off of work at 2:00 every day. It really gives me time to get things done and spend more time with David and Ethan.

Time to watch "Biggest Loser" and to be inspired...


  1. I love you! I'm so proud of you, although I know you will miss Noah everyday, your strength amazes me. Thank you for the way you love Sarah. If the tables were turned I'd like to think I could feel the same way, but honestly I don't know. It's such and inspiration to me to see how you've allowed God to work through you these last 6 months. You have an amazing testimony and I know God will use both you and David to comfort others.

    Thanks again for keeping Sarah! I know she will be well loved (spoiled) by you and your mom!

  2. Lisa, Thank you for the caring & loving words you wrote on our blog 'The Lang Family'. I never intended to share my loss on such a national forum as MckMama's blog, but her post "I'm Gonna Miss This" really let it all loose for me. It's so absolutely true, as our children grow older (I have a 14 yr old daughter, Samantha), or when we lose them through miscarriage or death. I am saddened to read about the losses of your other children. My husband I also experienced a miscarriage at six weeks while in the process of fertility treatments. We feel that we were directed by God to pursue adoption, and went full steam ahead with the process. Just eight months after our decision to adopt, a birthmother chose our family, and beautiful, sweet Kara was born. She was perfect for our family in every way. The past 2 1/2 years were amazing, and then on December 26th, it was all ripped away. We have no idea why, and I don't know if we did if it would make it any better or easier. We are so thankful for our faith in God, because without it, I don't think we'd ever be able to recover from this horrible loss. I am encouraged by reading this post of yours, because it shows how your relationship with God is pulling you through the dark days. Thanks again for reaching out to me.

    Kathy Lang

  3. I'm glad that you are in better days. Those always feel good. I hope you enjoy your cruise.

  4. Lisa, I was thinking of you today. Just wanted to let you know.

    Also, Baby Sarah is beyond precious!