Still Waiting

I'm waiting for the phone call. We ordered Noah's grave marker on August 20th. They said it would take about 5-7 weeks. This Thursday will be 6 weeks. I really hope it comes this week. I am really just ready for it to be here...ready to have somewhere to place flowers and for everyone to know my beautiful son's name. A marking of his life and his death. I'm tired of staring at a patch of grass. They are supposed to call us when it arrives and we will go to the cemetery to see it before they install it.

David and I are still planning on planting a tree for Noah on his 1st birthday. My favorite tree is the Cherry Blossom tree. I love the beautiful pink blossoms and the way they look like snow when they fall off the tree. I recently read on Angie Smith's blog that some friends of hers planted a Cherry Blossom in Angie's yard in honor of Audrey. Angie wrote that the official name of the Cherry Blossom is the "Yoshino Cherry." The intense beauty and short survival span have associated Cherry Blossoms with spiritual and philosophical ideas such as the beauty and fragility of human life. I think this is so perfect for Noah. We are still unsure of where we will plant the tree since we know we probably won't stay in our home forever. We have a while to figure all of that out.

Photo taken by my friend, Jennifer Stovall

The Cherry Blossom tree also reminds me of my Aunt Cindy. My grandfather was in the military and so my grandparents moved all over the place. When my mother was very young, they moved to Japan. While they were living in Japan, my mom's little sister (my Aunt Cindy), who was just under 6 months old, died when her crib broke and she was caught in the railing. She was so beautiful. Just weeks before she died, my grandmother had a professional photographer take her picture. That picture was hanging in the room where I used to stay when I would visit my grandparents. I would stare at that picture for hours at night. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. I've always felt a strong bond with my grandmother ever since we lost the twins...but even more since we lost Noah. It's been over 50 years since my Aunt Cindy died, but the memory is still fresh in the hearts and minds of my grandparents. They will never forget their sweet baby girl and they know they will see her again.

I've been doing pretty well the past few weeks. I cried a little this weekend...David and I were both missing Noah badly on one particular night. But I've felt stronger the past few weeks. I know so many of you are still praying for us. I know things like this begin to drift out of people's minds....tomorrow it will have been 12 weeks since he died. Still, there are so many who have not forgotten...and we thank you for remembering us and for remembering our sweet Noah.